Saturday, December 26, 2009
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I had a little meltdown last night. It's weird how silly little things trigger huge meltdowns. I was going to bed, and was thinking about how I needed to go to the grocery store in the morning. I started crying. Why was I crying about the grocery store?! But of course it wasn't at all about the grocery store. It was that I felt overwhelmed about life. I feel overwhelmed that I don't have time for necessary things such as the grocery store. I felt overwhelmed that even going to the grocery store means that I will buy unhealthy food like pizza pockets because that's all the time I have to make dinner for Andrew and I. Then I felt overwhelmed that I'm not being a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter.... talk about a meltdown!
Graduate school is so hard that it makes me question whether or not this is the right path for me. I compare myself to others--others who have made their passion into a career, and have time to do things they enjoy. It's not my reality. I think my passion for speech pathology has just been overshadowed by the tremendous amount of effort required to reach that goal. Anything that's worth it, is worth working hard for though, right?
After my mind stopped racing, I fell asleep. I woke up this morning with a little more peace. Truth: My Savior has overcome the world. He has healed my mom, and offered me eternal life. Why do I let worry, fear, and exhaustion consume me? God promises to give rest to the weary (Mat 11:28). I am so thankful. SO thankful. I want my life to reflect that thankfulness. I was talking with some fellow grad. students about how much we have whined and complained this semester. When I stop and reflect, I cannot believe that those are the words that come out of my mouth the majority of the time. With the miracles I have seen in my mom the past few months, I should not be able to contain my joy and thankfulness. I should be pointing to Christ with my words.
I’m still feeling a little overwhelmed, but am confident. On the way to the grocery store, I had this song on repeat:
Today is a new day.
Posted by Katie at 11:31 AM 6 comments
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My mom gave me these frames 2 years ago for Christmas. I loved them but have just been lazy about finding things to fill them. I ended up using a postcard that my sister sent Andrew from Germany, and prints from IKEA. Simple enough. I found a place for them in our office.
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This is my sweet mom, who I love so so much. My family is sick of hospitals. A good friend sent this to me this morning, and it was definitely what I needed in that moment:
Posted by Katie at 1:48 PM 2 comments
I've debated even blogging about this, just because there is so many details.... I'm just going to keep it short. My mom is in the ICU because when she went in for surgery and they put the breathing tube in, she aspirated. She's still in the ICU-- I found out this morning that on top of all the other problems, she has pneumonia. Her white blood cell count is pretty high still and her oxygen levels aren't very good. Please pray for her--for a quick recovery, for great nurses, for peace for my mom. I'd appreciate it very much.
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