I had a little meltdown last night. It's weird how silly little things trigger huge meltdowns. I was going to bed, and was thinking about how I needed to go to the grocery store in the morning. I started crying. Why was I crying about the grocery store?! But of course it wasn't at all about the grocery store. It was that I felt overwhelmed about life. I feel overwhelmed that I don't have time for necessary things such as the grocery store. I felt overwhelmed that even going to the grocery store means that I will buy unhealthy food like pizza pockets because that's all the time I have to make dinner for Andrew and I. Then I felt overwhelmed that I'm not being a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter.... talk about a meltdown!
Graduate school is so hard that it makes me question whether or not this is the right path for me. I compare myself to others--others who have made their passion into a career, and have time to do things they enjoy. It's not my reality. I think my passion for speech pathology has just been overshadowed by the tremendous amount of effort required to reach that goal. Anything that's worth it, is worth working hard for though, right?
After my mind stopped racing, I fell asleep. I woke up this morning with a little more peace. Truth: My Savior has overcome the world. He has healed my mom, and offered me eternal life. Why do I let worry, fear, and exhaustion consume me? God promises to give rest to the weary (Mat 11:28). I am so thankful. SO thankful. I want my life to reflect that thankfulness. I was talking with some fellow grad. students about how much we have whined and complained this semester. When I stop and reflect, I cannot believe that those are the words that come out of my mouth the majority of the time. With the miracles I have seen in my mom the past few months, I should not be able to contain my joy and thankfulness. I should be pointing to Christ with my words.
I’m still feeling a little overwhelmed, but am confident. On the way to the grocery store, I had this song on repeat:
Today is a new day.
